Drabble-y Drabble--dy Doo

The True Me... Has a 31% Chance of Going to Hell (ONLY??)

2005-07-17T21:50:00.000+08:00

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more relaxed, calm, and composed.

With respect to money, you spend as little as possible.

You think good luck might come your way, but if it does you'll be so surprised you'll burst out laughing.

The hidden side of your personality tends to be reluctant to accept things as they are. And you are prone to think negatively.

You are the type of person who assumes that the world revolves around yourself.

When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you base your search on information from your friends.

Who's the True You?

Your Deadly Sins

Sloth: 100%

Envy: 40%

Pride: 40%

Greed: 20%

Wrath: 20%

Gluttony: 0%

Lust: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 31%

You will die while sleeping - and no one will notice.

BEHIND THESE HAZEL EYES

2005-06-29T22:43:00.000+08:00

Kelly Clarkson
Breakaway

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong

Your arms around me tight
Everything it felt so right
Unbreakable
Like nothing could go wrong...

Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life

Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together
But so broken up inside

'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you
I blame myself
Seeing you
It kills me now
No, I don't cry
On the outside
Anymore...

Anymore....

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am,
Once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it,
Can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up
Deep inside...
But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes...

Seriously!!

2005-06-14T18:19:00.000+08:00

*yawns*

Back to school life again.

*groans*

Bloody annoying exam results still being debated over, as is wont of our class. Am bloody apathetic over the whole affair... Much rather brood dark thoughts in some other bloody corner as is wont of moi...

*stones*

Rather in denial here. The computer rather has that effect on my pitiful/less being. Added to that is a now rather elongated playlist of anime soundtracks playing rather continuously in the background, rather blanking out my mind from everything else I rather not think about...

*falls dead without anyone noticing*

... and in case you're bloody wondering (rather doubt it), the post title is actually a song from the Slayers OST, but I suppose no one bloody cares or would rather do something else with their bloody rather free time... ne?

*winks*

10 Minutes

2005-06-12T22:50:00.000+08:00

That's all I have before I have to face the harsh reality which is SCHOOL tomorrow morning... *groans...*

(Okay, so it's 10 minutes, then I leave the com for my room to watch The Apprentice, then, I moan and groan and whine myself to sleep, only to wake up a few hours later to moan, groan and whine even more...)

2 weeks of holiday. And how long do my Singaporean counterparts have?

4 weeks.

Oh, oh, and what about them local college students? They get...

the remaining HALF YEAR OFF.

I say, is there Justice in this World??

Laws of Distraction

2005-05-14T22:33:00.000+08:00

On one hand, I have two major Biology papers + one on Geography - which I realise now will only serve an anchor to my percentage (i.e. bring it down) - this coming Tuesday, and both subjects needing serious work on my part, preferably starting sometime this weekend...

On the other hand, I'm being offered the chance to watch Julianne Moore and Pierce Brosnan in bed practicing their 'Chemistry' (or is it Biology here? :P) before Queer Eye starts later tonight...

SO, the million dollar question is... Which hand to follow?

HMMMmmmmmmmmm.................

I was never a big fan of Biology in the first place, and as for Geography... I'm rather lost in that, pardon any pun you may see in that statement.

So, am I the King of Redundancy, or what?

Actually, I happen to not be a fan of either actor mentioned earlier either (much less their [acted?] bed antics).

Guess I'll do a Shiva here and sprout another hand - come online, and blog...

They don't call her the Goddess of Destruction for nothing, I suppose...

*BLEH*

So Why Am I Running Away.....?

2005-05-10T15:51:00.000+08:00

They say that the day before any big exam, one should:

forgo all further studying, instead
focus on relaxing one's tired minds for the day ahead, by
immersing one's self in all non-study related activities.

So, adhering to that, I am

(once more) in front of the computer screen, with
cup of yoghurt ready beside hands not yet weary from typing, and
music turned up loud (Now Playing: Hoobastanks's Running Away),
nondescriptly letting my fingers do the talking to a virtually empty contact list
posting this post (save the most redundant for last)

Of course, missing from the above list:

making sure my Form 5 History text book is open before my apathetic self
tearing my hair out by their roots trying to digest facts irrelevant to my present life and very possibly my bleak future too
having a panic attack of the severest kind (which would probably involve a lot of shattered glass, should I come to that stage)

Well, guess it's time for some of that yoghurt...

Total Eclipse of My Brain

2005-04-23T18:36:00.000+08:00

I admit that I'm not usually particularly aware of my surroundings in general - whether immediate or otherwise. Oh, sure, I read the news everyday. The comics especially. So, I read that portion of the papers first, telling myself to at least get a glimpse of the headlines afterwards.

I usually 'forget'.

So, sue me for being eternally BLUR, and enlighten me if u will, but WAS there an eclipse happening somewhere on the face of this very earth on the 8th of April this very year??

Now, if there really was one - one which any particular reader of this seriously trivial post to know of, whether by chance or for being well-informed, it should be fairly obvious this flaw of mine I'm pointing out here, so feel free to scoff and roll your eyes should you wish.

But, seriously, I had absolutely no clue that any so-called eclipse happened this year, let alone what type of eclipse it was (if there was), and that's assuming I'm in any way knowledgable of elipse variations other than "solar" and "lunar" in the first place!
And that wasn't that was probably one of the easier questions.

So, you can almost imagine the pulsing frustration I experienced having to answer many such questions that rang no bells in my particularly hollow head this morning.

But I digress. It was only a 'straightforward "Science"' quiz. Which I had to take on a Saturday morning. One that I was practically forced into... One day before no less... And one which I was unfortunately and horribly misinformed about!

Oh, yes, it definitely was a Science quiz, no doubt. In English too (*rolls eyes*). But I guess, there was more than one 'cook', involved, so to speak. And so, how did the proverbial broth turn out? A medley of trivia, trick (and some rather flawed) questions, testing our knowledge and wit in CHEMISTRY, PHYSICS, BIOLOGY AND MATHEMATHICS, and here's the clincher: the questions were in English... AND Malay. Interchagably.

In short, a 60-minute Science Stream roller-coaster ride to Hell.

I probably could have done better poking random holes in my answer sheet with my very blunt 2B pencil. It seems to have worked for some few other participants, at any rate.

Heck, perhaps I'll learn from this 'experience' and do exactly that for the Chemistry quiz next Monday.

Rather Be Lonely Somemore

2005-04-08T11:20:00.000+08:00

Now Playing (Over and over again) : Lonely No More, Rob Thomas

Don't expect to be blogging anytime soon in the future. And this is for at least another week (Not like I've been diligently doing any blogging for the past... er...). Of course, as usual, I'm not without my excuses... :p

For the following week (at least), our house is to play host to relatives galore... (Oh, woopee!!! you can hear me cheering in the background. Fine, it's actually an animatronic version of myself with an inanely degrading malfunction in its circuitry - so sue me for not taking a remedial class in robotics.)

The stars of this particular show being a group of my mother's side far flung relatives, hailing from China, 'dropping by' for a visit to jolly old Malaysia...
And to be politically accurate, we're probably the far flung ones in this case, seeing as the once-Communist, now People's Republic is really our ancestral ground and all... And really, they're all relatives of my sprightly grandmother, which technically still places them on Ma's side of the family... And if you really agree on "tanah tumpahnya darahku" being in any way 'jolly', you probably don't do much travelling... or you do way too much...

Of course, their purpose coming here is supposedly to acquaint themselves with this particular branch of the big family tree, which means, while they comfortably (well, that really remains to be seen) settle themselves into our abode, our local relatives will start sifting through our door and turning this house into some social factory of sorts...

In short, ensue utter chaos.

Oh, fine, so sue me for my over-exaggerative ways, but I'm not exactly a family person... At least, this time, I have the liberty of actually playing dumb... I've already been convinced that these Mainlanders probably only speak some thick authentic version of Hakka... Which is bad enough, considering I don't speak a word of the dialect, even in its local watered down form used by my mum's side. Am envisioning myself in various future circumstances involving me and any number of these relatives, trying to communicate something via sign language and confused yet benign smiles on both parties' faces...

Ah well, but as they say, you can never know for sure till D-day... (Okay, only I probably say that) Which happens to be today... *sighs*

Have to get used to setting up temporary residence in my brother's room. And having to share a crammed wardrobe with him. Well, at least his bathroom's much more spacious than mine... So much for the silver lining...

Perhaps it's not too late to convince Pa to go with his original plan to head for the hills, literally, and escape to Cameron Highlands for the week...

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses...

2005-04-01T18:15:00.000+08:00

Haven't been blogging for a while, I know.

Excuse? Well, haven't been spending as much time online as I used too...

Excuse? Too little people online to chat with, for one.

Their excuse? Oh, them people were all busy with... stuff. Namely, debate, basketball, forum. But days of class-skipping have finally come to an end... though on raher bittersweet notes. At least our school managed to come up tops in all 3 events... for a while... before defeat came... And 5 Adil is once more fully populated... (Memo to self: Get earplugs)

So, what have I been doing if not rotting online as per usual?

Reobsessing self with Final Fantasy 6.

=P

Blah, excuses.

Too Many Cooks Spoil My Day

2005-03-22T20:34:00.000+08:00

I Hate Kylie Kwong.

I swear, that woman must be a witch, the way she works her magic with food... and on TV no less!

But I guess the same can be said to all them bloody excellent TV chefs parading themselves on Discovery Travel and Living ... Oh yes, hate them all... (With perhaps, a tiny exception to Nigella Lawson... I fairly doubt it was wholly our antique television's fault that made her cold beetroot summer soup seem downright unappetizing, and she should certainly take responsibility in parading the most hideous watermelon I've ever seen, on or off screen, and using it with goat's cheese and onions as a 'fashionable' 'salad' no less...)

OKay, so I guess that I'm jealous of about anyone who's any bit more skilled than I am in the kitchen... Which would encompass... about everyone in the whole wide world that knows what a kitchen is... But I'm particularly resentful of these television celebrities who have the cheek to go flaunting their skills and wares to my easily tempted tongue, all from the safe comforts of their kitchen studios away from stray ravenous mouths and my urge to just go up and strangle the life out of them...

Oh, there I go drabbling again... Blame it on my inexplicable exhaustion today... probably induced by the sudden unwarranted return to school life... And the pile of holiday homework which interestingly escaped my mind completely during the holidays themselves... Hmm... One wonders why...

But Then Again...?

2005-03-16T18:41:00.000+08:00

It started late last night, she said.

But it was only this morning that my mother's somewhat aged left foot decided to inform her that it was ready to cause her a substantial amount of discomfort for the rest of the day. For no apparent reason too.

(Great, this is already starting to sound like Mary Schneider's column in The Star on Mondays... To avoid any future lawsuits, I think I'll revert back to my more sulky style of ranting)

So Ma gets escorted to the Chinese chiropracter of sorts who dealt with a prior incident when my sibling caused some unsurprising calamity to befall on his foot, in hopes that the guy would be able to sort out her kinks this time around.

That was sometime after 10 in the morning... Just as I came down for breakfast... (Yes, yes, teenager of the house blogging here)
They [Mom, Dad, Grandma] came back soon after.

"So fast?" I inquired rather dimwittedly.

They could only manage to obtain a number - 25. By estimate, Ma's turn would come around sometime around... 1 o' clock?

Ah well. So when the time came, we four this time arrived there...

Madam number 23, who was there when they first left, had still not gotten her turn yet.

So we waited. Or rather, Ma and I did. Dad took grandma home... He had a golf game to rush to anyways. So it was to be my responsibility to hail us remaining two a cab to get us home. Perfect...

Well, it wasn't long after. The guy bandaged Ma's foot, citing "overuse" of the body part as the source of her discomfort.

(Now, if this was a near middle-aged female collumnist typing this, There'll probably be some long-winded rant on the subject of aging body parts somewhere right over here... Well, I rather remain ignorant of what it truly feels like to be close to middle-aged right now, at least... till my time comes)

Managed to get a cab with a seemingly decent driver... Okay, so he gets mad at the other reckless drivers on the road rather easily, but who wouldn't? Well, all was fine till we reached home...

The meter clearly read 7.50, so my Ma handed him a ten ringgit note. I hung there as he fumbled with his money and handed me the change. RM2's worth of it.

Something in my sleep deprived mind went... "Err..."

Oh, but the guy was already shoo-ing me out of my seat... So I did so rather obediently (without thinking much, as usual), only keeping the door open and handing Ma back the change rather hesitantly. She accepted the money, but the look on her face immediately confirmed my suspicions. We both turned to face the driver.

"Please, would you mind closing the door?" he requested as politely as he could manage. Only, it seems that there's only so much politeness that he could manage.

It wasn't even a 'request', more like instant 'demand'. And in case you're wondering, I did take a humongous liberty with what he actually shouted at us, since his verbal contents would not translate well into this collu- blog, which I am trying to keep family-friendly... Hopefully, my efforts don't go wasted...

Though it was done without so much as a second thought at the time, I slammed the door. Hopefully, with enough force to require reapirs costing much much more than a measley 50 cents, later on, but considering my feelble build, I'd say that's just the resentment in me talking. Thinking back (one of my unfortunate hobbies), it seems that I did the right thing, seeing as the odds were quite against us... a pathetic excuse of the male species and his 'ailing' mother against one man and his vehicle... 4, or rather 3 healthy feet against 4 potentially dangerous wheels... Anyways, the driver (for lack of a more...suitable *ahem* word) sped off rather quickly, leaving behind two rather blank pedestrians...

tsK tsK tsK...

NOT ME, NOT I

2005-03-15T14:34:00.001+08:00

Delta Goodrem
Innocent Eyes

You mixed me up
for someone
Who'd fall apart without you
Yeah, you broke my heart...
for the first time
But I'll get over that too...

It's hard to find the reasons
Who can see the rhyme?
I guess that we were seasons out of time...
I guess you didn't know me...

If you think
Love is blind
That I wouldn't see the flaws between the lines
Surprised?
That I caught you out on every single time
that you lied?
Did you think that every time I see you I would cry?
No, not me, not I,
not I,
No, not me,
not I...

The story goes
on without you
There's got to be another ending
But yeah, you broke my heart...
Won't be the last time
But I'll get over them too...

As the new door opens
We close the ones behind
And if you search your soul
I know you'll find...
You never really knew me...

If you think
Love is blind
That I wouldn't see the flaws between the lines
Surprised?
That I caught you out on every single time
that you lied?
Did you think that every time I see you I would cry?
No, not me, not I,
not I, not I,
not I...

(oh, I...)

All you said to me
All you promised me
All the mystery
Never did believe
No, I never cry
No, I never
Not me,
not I...

If you think
Love is blind
That I wouldn't see the flaws between the lines
Surprised?
That I caught you out on every single time
that you lied?
Did you think that every time I see you I would cry?
No, not I...
I won't cry
No, not me, not I,
not I, not I
No, not me, not I...

Not I...

For whom the bell tolls (rings)...

2005-03-10T18:06:00.000+08:00

SPM results came out today. Nope, had absolutely no reason to feel any form of excitement, especially not for the part of my seniors - all of whom I was fully expecting to be shaking in their knees, seeing as they were finally going find out if all their 'hard work' (or lack thereof) for 3 gruelling school years did pay off for them... or not.

Obviously, there were those who fell into that conveniently placed latter category.

Oh well. I think I was being fair enough not exuding excitement nor sympathy for the ex-Form 5-ers. But that's just me. As usual. Hah.

And besides... Had to sit through the second day of the bloody term exams, so it's my butt on the line before theirs... *Grumbles*

Btw, now that that's been mentioned, I suppose I now have a legitimate excuse for not updating in a while... So might it might as well be stated here that I am now officially 16 years and 9 days old and definitely still NONE the wiser and blindly stumbling through this final year of school before I may be unleashed into the harsh real world to wreak havoc on (and have havoc be wreaked upon myself) ... Not like I'm not already doing/having my share already here in school... ;P

Well, toodly-doo for now, there are other things not-so-worth contemplating on, but have no place on this open channel of mine, so shall be zoning off now to watch some highly underrated anime...

KISS FROM A ROSE

2005-02-28T17:41:00.000+08:00

Seal
Seal (Second Album)

There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea
You became the light on the dark side of me
Love remained a drug that's the high not the pill
But did you know?
That when it snows
My eyes become large and
The light that you shine can't be seen...

Baby... I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
Oooh... the more I get of you the stranger it feels... yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom on the grey

There is so much a man can tell you
So much he can say
You remain
My power, my pleasure, my pain...
Baby...
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny
Won't you tell me is that healthy baby?
But did you know?
That when it snows
My eyes become large and
The light that you shine can't be seen...

Baby... I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
Oooh... the more I get of you the stranger it feels... yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom on the grey

I've...
been...
kissed by a rose on the grey....
(I've...)
I've been kissed by a rose
on the grey
I've...
(If I should fall...)
I've been kissed by a rose on the grey
(I've...)
I've been kissed by a rose on the grey

There is so much a man can tell you
So much he can say
You remain
My power, my pleasure, my pain...
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny
Won't you tell me is that healthy baby?
But did you know?
That when it snows
My eyes become large and
The light that you shine
can't be seen...

Baby... I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
Oooh... the more I get of you the stranger it feels... yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom on the grey

Yes, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
Oooh... the more I get of you the stranger it feels... yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom on the grey...

Now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom...
on a grey...

Blood, Sweat, and Tears...(?) - (Talking 'bout Sport's Day)

2005-02-25T15:35:00.000+08:00

{By the way, am still listening to Heart of Sword (Remix) ... :P}

Sometimes I wonder if our school administration is actually displaying some queer sense of intellect beyond our scope of comprehension, or is just totally whacked... i.e. whether they're being really smart at their job, or if they're just plain stupid.

Usually, I root for the latter. But there are a few exceptions.

Case in point, they extended our CNY holidays... (SMART!) Which meant replacing one day of school on a weekend... (NOT so smart...) So they chose this coming Saturday... (Idiots...)

Which happens to be our annual Sport's Day... (NOW, you're talking!)

Actually, for the past few years, I've been (understandably) excusing myself from the school's sporting events, but this year was supposed to be different... For one, the event will be held once again in our very own school field (a wise decision?), which is rather conveniently close by as opposed to the Kelana Jaya Stadium... For another, this will be the final school Sport's Day I'll ever have the chance to experience... A milestone of sorts, so that I can proudly tell the next generation of spoilt brats that it's things like these that they're gonna be missing most once they leave Form 5 and blah blah blah blah... (I can imagine theym looking askew at me right then)

However, it seems that my parents have gotten wise to my usual way of handling these 'situations'...

The other day was informing Ma about Sport's Day being on Saturday (and convincing her that the school isn't insane for holding it so early in the year for reasons I myself am clueless about... which promptly tells me to agree that the school is, in fact, insane, but we've already gone through this...), and casually not mentioning whether or not I plan on showing up on the day...

The next thing you know, she says, okay, we both will go shopping on that day.

{Stoned expression} I'll just say here: "Don't ask..."

Well, perhaps one day, I will be mumbling incoherently to my future grandchildren about not missing important school events lest they regret that till they reach my then point in life and cross the line into senility, but I'm sure gonna be a hypocrite about it... :P

As for my plans for tomorrow, I doubt that my presence in the school field under a gawdy tent with a number of associable people countable on one hand (I have a pathetic amount of them in this certain sports house) would leave a mark anywhere in history, and I'm much too used to hearing the "Oh, you should have been there"s after the whole fiasco is passed to want to ruin you people's chance of saying so to me later on Monday, so I'd only be surprised if I chose not to be MIA at school tomorrow...

Besides, I already had a heck of a time today during the rehearsal for tomorrow: marauding the school grounds during supposed class-time, relaying Simon Cowell-like comments in my mind on the competing cheerleading squads ("Hmm...That was a... safe performance, at best..."), (faux-)cheering at random teams during the tug-of-war session, and wincing at the display of blistered hands afterwards...

Ah yes, what more could I ask for? {...}

Instead, I'm most likely to be rising as late as permisable on a weekend morning, wondering wistfully if I have indeed chose the right path (with respect to the next generation of resentful school-goers), whilst on the hunt for a reasonably priced and suitably fitting denim jacket with my mom...

That question about our school administration... Yeah, I wonder the same thing about my life as well.

Sweet Dreams Are Made of These...

2005-02-22T18:24:00.000+08:00

Finally! Am once again up to the huge task of blogging again! Hahah!

Still, not like there's much to note... at least... not much which can be noted here which would not cause undue displeasure amongst certain parties... (including myself...)

Been listening to the remix of T. M. Revolution's Heart of Sword. Singularly. By itself. The only song on my playlist. Played on loop. Repeatedly. Over and over again. Non-stop. Without pause. Nor interval. For the past two days. At least.

AM surprised that my brain has not turned to mush. Or has it? Hmmm...

Well, if it has, I'd much rather blame last Saturday's forray into extreme desserting, all sponsored by a for once unstingy comrade (which means I rule supreme in the ranks of Scrooge-dom around here! Muahahahah!!) ... Yes, I can almost still taste...

The superbly sensuous Tiramisu...

The highly exorbitant yet highly exquisite Cappuccino Pie with dreamy Chocolate Sauce...

The choice Cheesecake with savoury Strawberry Sauce...

The rich and supple Creme Brulee...

Oh, I could melt now...

I should be allowed to...

Okay, okay, I rarely get to have -and thus rarely also truly desire- dessert, but once a while, it's downright Right to throw caution to the wind and Indulge in the sugary sweetness of life...

Now, is this what they call Sin?

Oh, who the heck cares when Chocolate is involved... { :P }

Yupz, it's almost certifiable... I can feel my brain liquid oozing out my ears already...

Like Chocolate.....

EVERYBODY'S FOOL

2005-02-16T20:32:00.000+08:00

Evanescence
Fallen

Perfect by nature
Icons of self indulgence
Just what we all need
More LIES about a world that-

NEVER was and NEVER will be
Have you no shame?
Don't you see me?
You know you've got everybody fooled...

Look here she comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we LOVE you
NO flaws when you're pretending
But now I know she-

NEVER was and NEVER will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled...

Without the mask
Where will you hide...?
Can't find yourself
LOST in your LIE...

I know the Truth now
I know Who you are
And I don't love you anymore...

It NEVER was and NEVER will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled...

It NEVER was and NEVER will be
You're NOT real and you CAN'T save me
Somehow now you're
Everybody's Fool...

What Me Waiting For???

2005-02-16T17:40:00.000+08:00

Nowadays, waking up early morning for the sole purpose of dragging my sorry self to school every weekday morning is not the only unpleasant chore I choose to endure(we're all free people, no matter what we say or do, so yes, I see it as a choice).

The last bell ringing at the end of the schoolday no longer puts a genuine smile on my face (Has it ever? Well, considering myself as a school-goer of11 years, I should say I must have at least on several occasions...), more a cynical frown (usual) or a benign grin (fake) as I watch and wave classmates (should my arm, weary of writing, allow it) as they shuffle out homeward bound... All the time I'll be waiting for pathetically for that last other person to disapparate for me to lock up the class room and journey sourly to the front, where hopefully the van that's to transport my sorrier-than-I-was-in-the-morning-self back home for the day would already be there, ready to go... (at least 4 days out of 5, this turns out as a false hope)

Contemplatively, this could be a sign for me to fill my time beneficially and join more after-school activities... Or to change transport... (Any takers?)

At home, life resumes after lunch and whatever else I see fit for myself to do around the house... Online, that is...

Online's a pretty sad place to be for me these days... LOL (doing that just to make me feel better :P) Seriously, the number of souls to converse with... Then again, my contact list is mostly people from school, past and present, almost wholly local, and random people not met but rather introduced to - contacts' contacts, so to speak. And a huge number of them do happen to have lives outside - Tuition, sports, outings...( sleeping, ZZZ)... plus the non-broadband users... And those who have better things to do than associate themselves with your's truly. Those who do still drop in ever so 'faithfully' to join me momentarily in a ranting session, but it's all usually very shortlived.

Hint: Join a tuition centre? Be more active? Stop whining, get off my lazy bum and do my part in the world for once? Volunteer work, perhaps?

{Perhaps later}

Well, on the bright side, chatting no longer poses a threat against my static TV schedule.

Someone once asked me (okay, several people have, but I only refer to this one occassion...) what I even do Online...
I half-honestly told person in question that I was, in fact, Waiting...

For what exactly?
Hadn't much clue then, haven't much more now.

But it wasn't an outright lie... There was, and still is, some underlying truth to it, as vague as I was (even to myself) ... Somehow, at least, I know that much.

LOL, this is all somehow reminding of this obscure anime I downloaded off the Net not too long ago - St Luminous Mission High School. The improbable storyline tells of an all girls school in a mysterious setting where girls who got bit by the philosophy bug start thinking things like "Why am I here?", "What is my reason for being?", and the ever popular "What is the meaning of life??" {Oh, and I'm not OVER-exaggerating about this one case), all of which also share the desire to want to 'disappear' from the world for some reason or another (read: lonely, desperate, -hormone ridden- cases I'm talking about here). Well, one by one, they get their wish granted and start vanishing into thin air (literally, and this, with actual 'sane' witnesses) in their fits of contemplation and journey to 'enlightenment'...

Well, the only reason why I watched it till the end of its 24 episode run was just to see what theory they could propound to explain the utterly brain-bending phenomena (granted, it's just an anime, but still...) Well, suffice to say, I was only to be disappointed by the ending that left more questions than answers up in the sweat(drop)-steeped air. Still in the end, many of the not-so-fair maidens made it back to the school, back from wherever dimension they sojourned to and forgot about (I'm not going to bother to explain the rather cheap half-baked theory provided by the makers), at least, those that I assume have found some sort of enlightenment and a better sense of being than before...

If you're not scratching your head by now, you're probably saying, "Riiiiiiigggggggghhhhhhhttttttttttt........."

SO anyways, what was my point again? Oh yeah, I was comparing my current 'predicament' to the series... *Scratches own head* But, then again, it's only anime...

Oh, how I wish I could make myself disappear right now..........

You Take Them Roses... I'll Have Them Guns

2005-02-13T16:19:00.000+08:00

Right now, I'm practically home alone, typing as innocently and wistfully as I can manage with Hoobastank belting against my strained eardrums. Ho hum. The Reason? (No, I'm actually listening to "Same Direction" - pardon the lame excuse for a musical joke) So happens I refused my parents' invitation to 1U, where they'll be meeting up with some of Pa's old UM chums... And possibly their children too... And who knows, by chance, I might already be acquainted with them already... Ma added casually.

And that enough was enough reason for me to say flat out, "NO, I have Literature to do, thank you very much, so sorry I won't be coming along" - only in less words and with less sarcastic nuance.

Well, that didn't really seem to deter my brother, so they 3 have since left and here I am once more, grumbling to myself about anything and everything under this sun and stiffling heat. No, I don't regret my decision to stay home - I was traipsing around the mall just yesterday anyways in mock celebration of my cousin's birthday and I will gladly avoid 1U for as long as necessary...

Speaking of which, his birthday isn't actually till next monday I believe... And speaking of next Monday...

Darn it, I've gone and reminded myself about THAT again, now haven't I?

Well, in addition to being forced back into school, as I've mentioned before, Monday happens to be when we're all supposed ot dissolve into primordial mush in celebration of whatever it was a certain St Valentine did in the past to deserve death, in the name of...

L-O-V-Enough said (before I hurl into the wastepaper basket).

That's right, V-Day isn't just around the corner anymore, it's right at our bloody doorsteps!!

Now, is it just me or did even the forces of nature and human nature (namely, HEAT and BOREDOM(!!) ) just paired up in time for February 14th like a portion of the human population the world over??

And what's more, rumour has it that our English Oral Assessment may in fact begin on Monday the 14th itself! *Mock-gasps*

And I ask myself do I need even more reason to despise Mondays?

At today's lunch, it finally dawned on Ma and Pa that Monday is the 14th (I already reminded my usually blank brother of this fact previously), and actually had the cheek to ask us if we had any plans for the day...

I paused for a moment, then grunted as indifferently as I could manage (I was suppressing a not-well-meant growl):

"School." My thoughts were along the lines of - *Urgh!!*

Well, it was then proposed that the family celebrate the day, though no actual plans have been fixed so far...

My eyeballs could almost be seen popping out of their sockets and into my bowl of rice porridge.

Oh, but I digress.

Valentines Day {face contorts unrealistically at the very direct mention of it} is still a day for - well, you know...
And even if you're lacking that someone special to go about with... (points to self, albeit with Pride)
It doesn't really matter (unless your some superficial nitwit who's watched too many movies of the non-violent variety - No offence nor sarcasm meant to any I personally know)
There's still a lot of you-know-what floating about -in more acceptable forms- ripe for the plucking... It's all a matter of where you bother to look, I suppose.

So, thinking about it, I suppose there's nothing awfully wrong with spending some 'quality' time
and spreading that bit of you-know-what around... In this case, I suppose family's better than nothing, I'll have to stick it out with them for some time more anyways...

And if I do run into the misfortune of actually turning up in School *cringe of immense proportions* on the day, as I am still obliged to, well, I'll be more than Happy to resume my duties as the Class Treasurer... and start off collecting for the newly-created Valentine's Day Fund (which, between me and whoever cares, is just an unclever disguise for the "Help This Poor Unfortunate Gambler Fund" - And now you know why I'm conveniently 'forgetting' to post about my CNY experience) So, to all my fellow friends and classmates... Remember to donate generously!!

Now, I have Family and Friends in the same equation, and what do I get for V-Day? Enough you-know-what to last me the bitter winter ahead, I'm sure... (and in this country, I'll be sure to need it so much...) So, what's there to complain about really?

Somebody shoot me - I'm growing soft.

SOMEWHERE ONLY WE KNOW

2005-02-11T18:05:00.000+08:00

Keane
Hopes and Fears

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing
Where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing
Where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing
Where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go?
So why don't we go?

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Somewhere only we know?

Somewhere only we know...

Happy Holidays Anyone?

2005-02-04T17:07:00.000+08:00

This morning, I received my first and -most likely- very last (unless you count self-sent-and-received chocolates, which I foresee many in my near future :P) Valentine's Day gift.

{Stoned expression}

Well, no need to feel special in any way... It was this morning upon entering our class that each of us found a hastily shaped heart waiting for us on our tables... At first glance, I seriously thought some odd irony was at work (this, I may explain in a different post :P), since my unadjusted eyes were fooled into thinking that someone must've previously went on a Cupid's rampage and started printing hearts on every table using that essential tool of a school graffiti artist: the quick-dry correction liquid (which is why it's supposed to be banned from school premises, but...).

Well, it was evident that I was most clearly mistaken. As I approached my own desk, it occured to me that it had also been 'hit' by the mysterious crusader of Love (and in any other normal circumstance, whoever this was would be my sworn adversary), but at the same time, I realised that 'twas NOT correction liquid on the surface of my desk, but a cut and laminated heart shaped dedicated to myself, and incidentally, everyone else had received one too...

Well, time wasn't even permitted for me to take a stab at guessing who the culprit was, for there were those who were much too sharp and managed to point their fingers at the right person almost immediately. Of course, she had no way of playing innocent (her handwriting was notably distinct at the moment :P) so had to fess up to the deed. Her sentence? A volley of thanks and a hoarding of hugs... (Everybody together now: AAAAAWWW.....)
I shall give her credit at least... for now I can tell my grandchildren in future that yes, their heartless grandpa has received a gift for Valentine's Day, and so therefore his foul nature towards all things mushy can be put down as inborn, NOT as a psychological disorder developed from past painful experiences. (HAH!) So, I say this while I'm in a forgiving mood - Kudos to our fellow classmate who was generous enough with her affections.

Granted, it was a little early for Valentine's, but the spirit of it is starting to linger thickly in the air... a detestable fact that makes me almost quite nauseous thinking about it. What with the various buzzes of Capitalism and Commercialism doing their rounds, it seems that I can only be reminded of this day to come every other direction I turn. Well, this year, I've made it a point to detest this day even more so, for multiple reasons other than the usual "I can't be loved so methinks Love SUcks".
Mainly, we're getting a one week holiday starting tomorrow {wide grin}... after which we have to trudge back to school... on February 14 itself (told you the day was cursed). And what's more, a day or two after, we all have to face that major pain in the side - the Third and Final (thankfully) English Oral Assessment. And yeah, I'm still quite (happily, I might add) single, so, yeah, I rather not go blamed for blacklisting the day of St Valentine this year. I mean for Tien's sake, the bloody day falls on a fourteenth, which only spells utter misfortune for us Chinese!! Now, that should be worth its weight in pointing out!

Speaking of which, Valentine's is only this dark looming shadow in the calendar ahead... but coming before that...

Heralded by a rooster's crow - the dawning of Chinese New Year. A time for celebration(!!), colour, N O I S E (Firecrackers at dawn and Mahjong tiles at night, anybody?), a dash of superstition (Good and Bad), a good dose extravagance (wherever possible)... leading to supposed prosperity; with renewed resolutions, renewed bonds and ties, renewed wardrobes ... And, who can forget...

ANG PAU!!! {rubs hands eagerly} The Goddess of Mercy and her counterpart in Fortune both know I really need some more $$$ in my pockets nowadays...

Ah, accepting the authority of the class treasurer has done terrible things for my character, but who's complaining? :P {turns a deaf ear to the cries of the oppressed... My fellow classmates...}

Is it so hard to tell that I'm looking ahead to the week ahead?

But, wait... There seems to be a chronological dilemma in this post... I'm tackling this string of celebrations backwards, it seems to be... For before we head out in our attempt to beat the holiday traffic rush, there is still ONE more muy importante occassion to get over with.

Tomorrow, February 5th: Pa turns 45. Ooooo.....

And this year, we all seem to be doing our sneaky parts for my old man... {puts on a monocle and smiles connivingly} Just found out that Ma has booked us a table at The Lobsterman tomorrow night... {mouth waters...} She just ordered me to go search for a suitable e-card to send to his e-mail account, innocently assuming that her eldest son is a heartless being who only makes inconvenient trips ot the mall to 'hang out' and not actually do anything beneficial with my time... Well, this year, I actually went out of the way of my usual ignorant routine to get my old man something for tomorrow - Compliments of Memory Lane, a whimsical mug that seems to have more aesthethic as opposed to practical purposes, unjustly proclaiming the recipient "The Greatest Golfer In The World", (As a fellow classmate would say: "Rriiighhht....") also with a corny/cynical subtext reminding him not to neglect his paternal duties... Overall, the effect is rather... 'cute', I should say, and hopefully will yield a few laughs at least.

I've delegated the task of actually presenting the somewhat gawdy gift to the birthday 'boy' tomorrow to my unfortunate sibling... Firstly, since he's always the earliest riser after our maid; secondly, so that he actually has a significant part in tomorrow's proceedings, and lastly, so that I myself won't loose my much needed beauty sleep to put myself in an awkward position before my old man to explain to him: "Here. Your birthday present", with a stoned look on my face tomorrow morning... Oh, NO... Why trouble myself, when I have a younger brother to take your place... {adjusts the monocle... rubs hand maliciously}

Oh kay... I suspect this is enough sporadic splurging of time for one evening... Just one bit before I prepare my tongue for un peu francais later this evening...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Raindrops (?) are falling on my head...

2005-01-31T18:32:00.000+08:00

*What's with the sudden rain theme anyways? Well, this is a tropical country... anywhos...

Dear Bloggie,

You'd never guess what happened today.

{Rolls eyes at self over own 'stupendous' use of sarcasm}

Well, I was using the comp (as usual :P), despite the lack of people online due to the sudden (welcomed?) weather changes. At the same time, was experimenting with some strawberry yoghurt and Mr Potato original flavoured potato chips (don't ask), when, amidst the howling of the wind and the sound of raindrops pelting our windows not unlike high speed bullets, a most horrendous noise - rather like God crunching peanuts in His teeth, for the lack of better imagery - came to my ears. Ever curious, I went to check it out...

Out at the living room, I gazed absent-mindedly outside at the freak storm that was supposed to be a welcome change from the dry spell we've been having. All of the sudden, the wind picked up and the rain nearly came at a horizontal angle to our house that was doing its best to hold up in the storm.

"Cool," I thought.

Suddenly, God started on yet another mouthful of peanuts (you have to pardon me for the moment, am still going through the aftermath of the incident I''m about to describe). Outside, to my convulated horror, I saw that it wasn't just raining rain at that moment (nor were there frogs fish or men for that matter - Hallelujah...), but tumbling down by the dozens were our rooftiles!

"Coo- I mean, er... Uh oh..."

Well, after marvelli-, I mean, witnessing portions of our roof sweeping down, willed by gravity, it suddenly occured to me to go and warn the rest of the household... and to check for any gaping holes in the ceiling where there shouldn't be...

It occured to me a little while later that I was once more the slowest member of the household. When I rushed out of the living room, the adults were already trying to control the stream of water that was cascading from the corners of our inexpertly done windows... And yeah, the ceiling held up. It was later revealed that we only lost the tiles of the sides of our roof, and the falling bits managed to smash many unwanted gaps into our terace roof too. Woopee...

Well, the first thing I was screamed at to do was... Save the computer, and what exactly was I still doing with it in the middle of a thunderstorm? Err... Well, after slapping myself on the forehead and unplugging both the comp and our modem, went down on my knees with a bunch of damp rag cloths, assigned as usual (Yupz, aside the case of our roof, this wasn't the first incident of torrential weather wreaking havoc on our abode) to dealing the small puddles that were forming all over the floor that were leaking from the outside-in via the windows. *Grumbles*

Anywhos, it seems that someone will be along by tomorrow morning to assess the damage and (hopefully? Hmm...*Ponders on this awhile) inform us that we aren't required to temporarily/permanently move house... Tee-hee...

Call me cruel or insane, but it doesn't seem that I am deeply affected by this incident, does it? Haha, well, at least the family's safe - sofar the only casualties are a few wooden blinds and our potted plants out on the terrace are now way worse for wear.... (Bet we're gonna rethink the whole Balinese decor pretty soon, ;D) In fact, we're actually going out for dinner soon to um... commemorate this day? Or is it just because Ma's a little too shaken up right now to actually cook? ;P

And, guess what? Just found out that the contractor who did our roof (without nailing them tiles down, those atrociously 'confident' buggers) actually promised a lifetime guarantee on them! Well, all's I can say is that they better be sticking to their promise, or it won't be no 'raindrops' that'll be falling on their heads...

"Sunday Morning Rain's NOT Falling... Boo-hoo-hoo..."

2005-01-30T14:47:00.000+08:00

*Pardon the Maroon 5 song spoofing.

I have a feeling that I've just missed an invitation to go out today.

While I relented to Ma over the use of the com just now, someone happened to message me asking if I was free. (Sorry, that's all I can state about it, since MSN doesn't seem to be able to keep the chat logs of our conversations any longer... Which leads me to believe that my com doesn't really like the guy, and I can't really blame it for that)

Well, when I got back, said person wasn't replying anymore, so...

Went out for lunch with family anyways, so was not overly-regretful. That is, until I came back to a virtually deserted MSN contact list and still suffering under the tremendous heat and inane ennui...

*Sigh*

Can imagine myself in all the suffocating splendour of 1 Utama's air-conditioning right about now, and perhaps feeling the boredom a little less... Though in this daytime reverie I can also envision the realistic desolation I would feel amongst the mall-goers that have no reason to feel any conscious about themselves as moi, but that's to be expected of myself anyways. As usual, I'll be asking myself the eternal question: "What am I doing here?", though minus all philosophical connotations about life and such, since I'm only questioning my presence at the local mall which I happen to not take a liking to as I'm no fan of the sport they call shopping (so sue me, I'm prejudiced against all other sports too, you know). Perhaps a film could be caught (pardon the atrocious structure of my sentence - the heat is REALLY getting to me...), but at this time, the only film I can think of is the seemingly but doubtfully marvelous ELEKTRA... which turned out to be a flop anyways (yea, yea, I'm choosing to accept the Star's not so witty review of the film as I don't actually have the current resources to judge it for myself), so screw that suggestion... Personally, I find only some appeal to Jenniffer Garner which I find hard to place, but am hardly obssessed with her work (So far, I've only actually watched 3/4's of an episode of "Alias" in my life).

Anyways, anything but this purveying sense of desperation I'm having to suffer through here (which, to be begging to go to 1U for once, is cutting it a little desperate), though this is only under the assumption that someone was going to ask me out rather than question me about math (MUCH more likely) ...

But, like I said, the heat's really overwhelming right now, so you can't blame my mind for overreacting... Though I don't blog about it so much, it's a much too common occurance nowadays to be totally ignored and comes way to naturally to me anyways, especially while I'm supposed to be swimming when I'm actually floudering about aimlessly in the water, drowning more in my own ponderings than in the 'depths' of the pool.

Speaking of which, I might as well go for a dip right about now... Makes an awful lot of sense too, I might add, which, in my universe, is a little too much sense than I'm comfortable with.

"A Tragic Story" - An English class essay gone deuced wrong

2005-01-25T13:27:00.000+08:00

When it came down to it, they were all one and the same.

They all came from 'broken homes', you could say... not once given the chance to know the meaning of 'family'. All results of reckless yet dictated abandon, one might refer to them as mere 'orphans', whose parentage neither known nor cared about. Each had but one shared friend, one that taught every one of them to take no other as anything but foe, to look out for no one but themselves, for this world was a harsh one, but this 'friend' would be their guide.

This friend, they called instinct.

As aforementioned, they were all undeniably alike, in form and thinking, with a harderned selfishness that only nature was to be blamed for, as no upbringing was had, nor asked for.

There was a time of childhood, long past, spent outside the constraints of their prison walls, at a place of dark and dank so very much severe. It was there, where they grew and morphed into their current selves, so indifferent yet so aware... the result of the impartial training by their guide instinct, which repeated to them over and over that only the fittest were meant to survive, meant to struggle togo on living. Unsurprisingly, those that refused to listen perished amongst all the apathy of the world. Instinct used them as an unpitying example of what was to come should instinct be unheeded. And as they all learned, compliance to instinct was key.

That past still haunted their shallow everyday thoughts. The lessons learnt from instinct then, they were meant to use still. Though, times became different, and the harsh cries of instinct, were being blunted out by a bigger force, that took over and attempted to null the effects of instinct on their kind. The technique used, was so opposite of that of instinct, that granted it worked to a certain commendable extent.

So what of this new power? Was it really a match against instinct? This new power had the 'orphans' incarcerated indefinitely behind undefining bars and high walls. Instinct was quick to cry foul and initiate a desperate hunt for their freedom. But no matter where they looked, they found no means to escape. Even if they somehow managed against the unrelenting bars, there was the matter of the new stoney-faced 'wardens' that kept constant watch over the perimeter...

But that was in the begining. Sure, instinct found everything despicably wrong, but the new power acted slow and steadily, and even treated them well. The 'wardens' never spoke a word to the 'risoners', but every day, at an appointed time, they stopped their patrol and came with the daily meals which were distributed unevenly among the inmates, who at first were wary, but that soon changed to impatience. All instinct could do was command that each should joustamongst themselves for the biggest share of the food, to make sure selfishness was to prevail. But this new power was not stingy. It offered generously to its 'guests', so that ALL their stomachs were satisfied. So for a while, even instinct could afford take a break.

But instinct soon began to frown upon the new power's influence over the unknowing ones. The prisoners soon forgot all about instinct's rave insistings that life was harsh, and had to be worked at. Despite their lack of immediate freedom, the laid-back lifestyle where they were not required to lift a finger... the abundance of available food (even instinct would not dare go against this point) ... What was the point of arguing against all that? Instinct dared look the gift horse in its mouth, but the rest weren't. The 'orphans' were getting used to this new life... yet still, instinct rallied against the new power, crying incoherently that this so-called 'luxury' was but a farce, that things were not as they should be this way - it was just wrong.

But deaf ears hath hese beings. Instinct sighed. Yet it was not instinct's job to give up.

Then one day, the new power showed its true colours...

They struck unbeknownst by the idle prisoners who only assumed that the wardens were there to deliver the usual daily meals. Instead, the inmates were all taken by surprise when the wardens stormed the cell and started harshly excercising their brute force on them. Instinct sounded the alarm immediately, though a little too late. The captives wailed almost dispationately, but were no match against the iron grip of the wardens. One by one they were lead unceremoniously from the cell which they had been calling home in the past, and forced into an awaiting mode of transportation meant to cart them off to destination unknown... And as they moved off into the unknown, their cries reverberated hollowly on the walls of their temporary prison...

Where were they headed? The new power's intentions still seemed vague... Even instinct found it hard to foresee... but had a small notion of what to come... and whatever it was, instinct was sure that it was not to be good...

As aforementioned, they were all one and the same. So, for the purpose of this tragic tale of sorts, we select just one from the crowd (who shall from henceforth be refered to as 'him') and continue the tale from there.

He was one of the unlucky ones. He was singled out eventually to travel alone in darkness, as the rest were lead in a separate direction. No goodbyes were said, though one and all knew his was one face they were not to see again. What happened in between before and then was a blur, and he was not altogether conscious of the many noises from the outside. Instinct could not tell him to sit calm while awaiting his fate, and so he fought valiantly - in vain - seeking escape...

What happened next was the disintegration of the darkness, as light poured in most suddenly, causing him to blink semi-consiously. The new power reached in and brought him out forcefully in his dazed state. Wailing as he was, they fed him a scent so strong and engulfing that instinct fought back immediately. But soon he found himself set unwillingly into a trancelike state, where nothing was to reach him. He lapsed into unconsciousness...

From there on, instinct had little say. The new power had won, in its unending craze for knowledge. He may have been far from innocent, but he was now in the hands of the new power, a grotesque plaything in its unforgiving grasp...

And so lay the sedated rodent, a black once-sewer rat, spreadeagled at the mercy of eager Biology students, who were already bored with playing with those white laboratory mice... Their eyes shone with glee at the thought of finally doing the long awaited dissection...

And so began the tragedy that was Science...

SAME DIRECTION

2005-01-18T21:37:00.000+08:00

Hoobastank
The Reason

Whenever I step outside,
Somebody claims to see the light
It seems to me that all of us have lost our patience.
'Cause everyone thinks they're right,
and nobody thinks that there just might
be more than one road to our final destination

But i'm not ever going to know...
if I'm right or wrong
'cause we're all going in the same direction
and i'm not sure which way to go
because all along
we've been going in the same direction

I'm tired of playing games,
Of looking for someone else to blame
For all the holes in answers that are clearly showing
For something to fill the space
Was all of the time i spent a waste?
'cause so many choices point the same way I was going.....

But I'm not ever going to know...
If I'm right or wrong
'cause we're all going in the same direction
and I'm not sure which way to go
because all along
we've been going in the same direction

Going in the same direction, Oh

Same direction, Oh

So why does there only have to be
One correct philosophy?
I don't want to go and follow you
just to end up like one of them
And why are you always telling me
What you want me to believe?
I'd like to think that i can go my own way and meet you in the end.
Go my own way and meet you at the end...

But i'm not ever going to know..........

If i'm right or wrong
'cause we're all going in the same direction
And i'm not sure which way to go
because all along
We've been going in the same direction

Going in the same direction...

Going in the same direction, Oh

Same direction, Oh

Clothes Shopping. {Bloodcurdling scream}

2005-01-15T11:33:00.000+08:00

Phew!

Yesterday was a naturally tiring day. After half a day in school (X_X), the rest of the day was spent at...

MID VALLEY MEGAMALL

*cue thunderbolt*

To be honest, I don't really take to any mall of any sort... {sticks tongue out}
But at times, my level of tolerance to them malls reaches a certain point of acceptability...

It's the Shopping I usually mind... {moans}

Okay, before any conclusions are made, I'll just say, once upon a time before, the idea of 'Shopping' (with a capital 'S') {cringes} could only get me to cry in terror and close to incarcerating myself in my room without a mere rational thought.

But now, I've actually thought up some actual reasons, to place 'Shopping' {cringes slightly more} under my long list of 'Dislikes' (capital 'D')...

It's taxing. To my mind ('Excecutive' desicions on the spot [in this case, on what to buy] were never my thing), body (This one's rather obvious. And you wonder why the afficianados of this so-called 'sport' label it so), and... not soul (Hello... walking zombie here!)... but of course, my pocket {image of paper bill flying away... and me sobbing in a dark corner}
I usually come home empty handed. But then again, what do I really want to shop for? Everytime I see something I may actually feel for, I usually end up leaving it at the aisle or display case with a rather heavy heart, and regretting it for the rest of the day. {Sighs...} I've rather gotten used to seperating things to 'What's desired though not actually needed' and 'What's really needed' for some time now, but if you delve into the latter, you'd think I was living on matchsticks and firewood on some remote desert island or something... {Curses at practical sensible side} But, this all is usually attributed to my third reason...
Say hello to Mr. Scrooge aka your's truly here. Yea, so I'm a miser ($$$), and I'm proud of it too! {folds arms} ... Okay, fine, maybe I was actually proud to begin with, but lately... {Looks around for something to blame for any unheeded changes... Ahah! Points accusing finger at Hormones !!! (Capital 'H', of course)

I come now to the conclusion that it's not such a bad thing to actually spend a little once in a while (Hah! {Shoos objecting sensible side all the way to accounts class}), but while I'm still in the folds of my parents' wings, I guess it's just much more simpler to depend on their wallets, for now... {GRINS connivingly...}

But considering again... It's probably due to the fact that I'm everdependant on them (in matters of $$$) that some part of me actually feels guilt in asking them to pay for something that I could easily banish off my 'What's needed' list... {Points two accusing fingers, one at grudiging sensible side, one at 'meep'-ing Conscience)

Hmm.......

Well, yesterday a said, family dragged me out to do some pre-Chinese New Year Clothes Shopping...

Can you spell "R-E-C-I-P-E F-O-R D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R" ?

Oh, as much as I love my folks {cringes still}, I wasn't exactly doing cartwheels (not that it's even physically possible for me in the first place) at the notion of them having to fuss over enlargening my depleting wardrobe... Not when the fussing itself takes up a large percentage of our time as opposed to the actual purchasing, and with BOTH parents and their clashing opinions on style... {cue migraine}

Honestly, we all see it as my own fault as to why it's so darned difficult to get clothes for me... aside the minor conflicts of opinion between the 3 of us, there is also my:

Narrow shoulders
Flat chest
Lack of decent body build (Note tht No.1+No.2 gives you No.3, but I still want to mention it anyways :P)
Overall bad fashion sense plus an inane obssession with all garments Orange

Yeah, yeah, no one has to tell me that I'm no model material, so cue the fiasco and conundrum that is our yearly clothes hunt. And cue the large throbbing amount of stress and fuss (on my parents' part) and a whole lot of eye-rolling and "whatever"s from... who else but...?

Oh, and don't get me started on them getting started on "What 'youngsters' these days wear"... It's enough to make me roll my eyes all over the floor, or burst into tears laughing (maybe minus the 'laughing' there)...

And at the end of the day, all we ever manage to do is poop ourselves out (and not forgetting to mention my parents' credit cards) over a few items of clothing and we swear never to ave to go through that for the rest of the year... And I have to say, good riddance too!

Still, this year, I've actually learnt not to totally despise 'Shopping', maybe just hate it that little less... Though my sibling here seems to have learnt to inherit the extreme dislike rather quickly now... But that's hardly my concern now. What is then?

Well, next year my mum promises to set us (brother and I) loose to do the New Year Shopping on our own... And the funny thing is, I haven't started screaming just yet... In fact...I may actually be looking forward to it...

{Looks askew at self}

Well, one thing's for sure, if it actually happens, I'm sure to go on an Orange rampage... Why? Well, what's the point of a favourite colour if I don't get to choose my outfits based on it?? Yesterday, every single Orange shirt I spotted got turned down on bases of shade, collar, material, and God knows what else... I'm still fuming with incredulity... (HmpH!!)

Orange, orange, orange...

And screw the Fab 5 if they have anything to say about it!

AutoMessage...

2005-01-10T20:11:00.000+08:00

I seriously wonder what's eating him.

AutoMessage: Dont FuckinG disturb me.....i am Out

Right... And what was I supposed to read from that?

(Damn Messenger Plus and it's AutoMessage system! I must've thought...)

And to think I was actually in one of my 'pleasanter' moods today (considering that it was a Monday and the start to another 'glorious' week in school... {Grumbles})

Yeah, I was...

Until I read that...
{insert incredulous gesture - a snort would do}

OH, sure, of course I stayed childishly pissed for a moment... And why not? After all, it was that idiot again... {folds arms}

Then from extreme frustration mode, I simply settled down into something more along the lines of 'slightly incredulous' but 'nonetheless insulted'
(Many thanks to U2 for coming up with "Vertigo" and the guitar smashing 'wink' from MSN Messenger 7.0 (Beta). Rather odd stress relievers, but anything works).

Though, to be honest, I don't really see the point of his unnecessary point-black lewdness there... If he really had to leave, might as well sign out of MSN, OR set a 'simpler' AutoMessage, since he favours leaving his own status as 'Away' all the time...
But, alas... he must have thought he's one heck of a somebody to put up a Message that might as well read:

AutoMessage: Dont FuckinG mind me.....i am just being plain OBNOXIOUS. Feel free to shoot me when I get back

And now you know why I don't carry a gun... (Yeah, yeah, no need to remind me that I'm under-aged...)

AutoMessage from the Author: Oh, Dont FuckinG mind ME.....will go find a life now (wish me Luck). Cheerios...

LIFE FOR RENT

2005-01-08T20:23:00.000+08:00

Dido
Life for Rent

I haven't ever really found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologize for once again I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind that your heart ain't exactly breaking...

It's just a thought...
Only a thought...

If my life is for rent
And I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
'Cos nothing I have is truly mine

Always thought that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone and live more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
'Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me

It's just a thought... Only a thought...

If my life is for rent
And I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
'Cos nothing I have is truly mine...

If my life is for rent
And I don't... learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
'Cos nothing I have is truly mine...

While my heart is a shield
And I won't... let it down
While I am so... afraid to fail
So I won't... even try...

Well how can I
Say I'm alive...?

If my life is for rent
And I don't learn to buy
Well, I deserve nothing more than I get
'Cos nothing I have is truly mine...

If my life... is for rent
And I don't... learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
'Cos nothing I have is truly mine

''Cos nothing I have is truly mine...

'Cos nothing I have is truly mine...

'Cos nothing I have.... is truly mine...

ETERNAL SNOW

2005-01-06T21:15:00.000+08:00

(Full Moon) Myco

Full Moon wo Sagashite

Kimi wo suki ni natte dore kurai tatsu no ka na?
Kimochi fukurande yuku bakari de
Kimi wa kono omoi kizuiteiru no ka na?
Ichido mo kotoba ni wa shitenai ke do...

Yuki no you ni tada shizuka ni
Furi... tsumori tsuzukete yuku

Hold me tight... Konna omoi nara
Dare ka wo suki ni naru kimochi...
Shiritaku nakatta yo

I love you... Namida tomaranai
Konanjya kimi no koto
Shirazuni ireba yokatta yo....

Kimi wo itsu made omoiteiru no ka na?
Tomeiki ga mado garasu kumoraseta...
Yureru kokoro... tomosu kyandoru de
Ima... tokashitte, yukenai ka na

Hold me tight... oreru hodo tsuyoku
Kogarashi fukubi ni deatte mou
Samukunai you ni to

I miss you... kimi wo omou tabi
Amikake no kono mafuraa
Konya mou kitori dakishimeru yo...

Eien ni furu yuki ga aru nara...
Kimi he to tsuzuku kono omoi... kakuseru no ka na?

Hold me tight... Konna omoi nara
Dare ka wo suki ni naru kimochi
Shiritaku nakatta yo

I love you... mune ni komiageru
Fuyuzora ni sakebitai
Ima sugu kimi wo aitai yo....

Hold me tight...

I love you...